lemonade
- Anne Catlin
- Apr 4
- 7 min read
Updated: Apr 5
I’m not religious, but we have history.
I was raised Irish Catholic and went to Catholic school for 10 years. This was core to my "domestication" and eventually feeling repelled by organized religion, although it was good education..
At sixteen, I paid sixty dollars to have a pentagram tattooed on my neck by a handsome (thirsty) older man (see 0:56)— who, at the time, happened to be dating Dita Von Teese. It took fifteen years and six hundred dollars to laser it off. In retrospect, an innocuous, Wiccan-themed “fuck you” to the world, apropos of my age and temperament.
Today, I have a rather comedic relationship with “God” — a word I couldn’t say comfortably for a long time. Not a “He,” but more a “That"...I think.
“That” which delivers swift bachi 罰 (Japanese/local word for karma) when I know I’m full of shit.
"That" which is -- all that is.
First and last breath -
"That" which we are made of and the vapor we dissolve back into.
I enjoy the teachings Dalai Lama, Father Greg Boyle, Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Alan Watts, Richard Rohr, Jay Shetty, and many more besides.
I love religious iconography — folk art in particular, and Bernini and Caravaggio and Michelangelo and all of the incredible religious propaganda (and dramas) commissioned by the Church throughout Europe, funded under threat of eternal damnation.
I love the radicalism of saints — their mysticism, madness, and impossible love.
I love Saint Teresa’s ecstasy, and Saint Sebastian’s stubborn and self-defeating persistence, also (separately) I love the homoerotic flavor of his physique -- as often depicted in Renaissance art.
My favorite version of Jesus is the one from the book Lamb, written by his "best friend," Biff. Also obviously Jesus Christ Superstar (and/or whatever else Andrew Loyd Webber or Lin Manuel Miranda come up with next).
I really like Jesus’s mother Mary the most out of the group. I spent a good deal of time in church every week, as a kid, wondering why I wasn’t selected for a miraculous apparition. Later, I spent entire days in detention for glitter lipstick and pink hair. I'm not sure that worked.
I love that Saint Francis’s profound conviction led him to renounce himself entirely, and how incorruptibles are “discovered” when church coffers run low (more on this below).
If a religious portrait were ever commissioned for “Saint Donald Trump,” I imagine he’d enjoy being depicted like Saint Bernard of Clairvaux — the miraculous recipient of breastmilk fired directly into his mouth from a statue of the Virgin Mary.
As for my family, we try to learn as much as we can about what people believe and how they try to make sense of the world. We all have strongly different opinions no matter what I say. We’ve walked out of religious services that preached God’s love “with certain exceptions,” even if they had a great church band and perfect, veneered teeth.
There are prayers that are more like love letters. One may fall into the words when speaking them out loud. The Pablo Neruda, Rumi & Kafiz-style prayers. The fall-on-your-face, pour-your-heart-out-with-your-last-breath kind.
“Here I came to the very edge where nothing at all needs saying...and every day on the balcony of the sea, wings open, fire is born,and everything is blue again like morning.” - PABLO NERUDA (from “Ode to the Sea”)
There was a Methodist pastor named Ted Loder who wrote Guerrillas of Grace: Prayers for the Battle, a book worth keeping near at hand. The prayer below is written in his style, adapting “God” to “Ke Akua”— something broader & maybe wilder.
How the Art was made:
SOURCES & SAINTS
Guerrillas of Grace, Prayers for the Battle (2004) by Ted Loder
A collection of raw, poetic prayers by a Methodist pastor.
Ke Akua – The Divine in Hawaiian thought - “Ke Akua” translates to “The God,” not a distant figure but a deeply relational, intelligent presence woven through wind, wave, ancestor, and flame. Hawaiian Dictionary (Pukui & Elbert). More info. at University of Hawaiʻi Press
Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff by Christopher Moore
A satirical retelling of Jesus’s life, as told by his fictional best friend, Biff. Think Miracles, sex workers, and spiritual humor. Find It on Goodreads
Immediate Moral Consequence ("swift bachi") -The term "bachi" (罰) in Japanese culture refers to divine punishment or retribution, similar to the concept of karma, particularly emphasizing negative repercussions for one's actions.
Mary of Nazareth (c. late 1st century BCE – mid 1st century CE)
Teenage Virgin Mother of Jesus, Queen of Heaven
Also known for Miraculous apparitions (especially in Europe and Mexico)
Born: Nazareth (modern-day northern Israel)
Died: between ages 50–60; cause unknown. Believed to have been taken “body and soul” into Heaven (Catholic & Orthodox tradition) (floated up?)
Memorial: Empty tomb in Jerusalem, in modern-day Israel/Palestine
a woman “clothed with the sun... and upon her head a crown of twelve stars” - Revelations 12:1
Saint James the Greater (d. ~44 CE)
Apostle, Warrior-Saint
One of Jesus’s original Twelve; nicknamed one of the “Sons of Thunder” (alongside his brother, John)
Born: Galilee (modern-day northern Israel/Palestine)
Died: Beheaded in Jerusalem by Herod Agrippa I at ~age 40, for preaching the gospel
Miracle: Body and severed head placed in a stone boat by friends (no sails or rudder). Miraculously floated from Jerusalem to Galicia, northwest Spain, where his remains were buried. Associated with evangelizing the Iberian Peninsula (modern Spain), igniting following that birthed one of the most famous pilgrimages in the world.
The Legend of Santiago Matamoros (“St. James the Moor-Slayer”) states that St. James later came back to life with head and neck in-tact, to help battle the Moors.
Saint Sebastian (c. 256–288 CE)
Martyr, Protector Against Plague
Born: Narbonne, Gaul (modern-day France)
Died: Beaten to death in Rome around age 32, after surviving execution by arrows
Why: Punished for converting others to Christianity while serving as a Roman soldier
Miracle: Survived an initial execution attempt, confronted the emperor again, and was executed a second time—this time, successfully
Saint Teresa of Ávila (1515–1582)
Mystic, Poet, Doctor of the Church
Born: Ávila, Spain
Died: Age 67 in Alba de Tormes, Spain
Faced suspicion and controversy for reforming the Carmelite order and claiming direct, often erotic, mystical experiences with God
Miracle (Ecstasy): Pierced in the heart by an angel’s flaming spear, an experience so intense it blurred the boundary between pain and rapture:
“The pain was so great... yet so sweet that I could not wish to be rid of it.” - from The Ecstasy of Saint Teresa
Saint Bernard of Clairvaux (1090–1153)
Mystic, Preacher
Born: Fontaine-lès-Dijon, France
Died: Age 63 in Clairvaux, France
Why: Fought heresies, led the Second Crusade, also known for deep mystical devotion
Miracle: Received a literal stream of breastmilk from a Virgin Mary statue. Interpreted as divine wisdom, nourishing his soul.
“From her breast flowed wisdom, and I, unworthy, was filled.” - Paraphrased medieval account
Saint Francis of Assisi (c. 1181–1226)
Radical Minimalist, Revolutionary, Animal Whisperer
Born: Assisi, Italy
Died: Age 44 in Assisi
Renounced wealth and preached radical poverty, gave away all possessions (including his parents’ wealth), kissed lepers, embraced extreme asceticism and self-flagellation, later apologizing for mistreating his body:
“Forgive me, Brother Ass—for I have treated you too cruelly," referring to himself.
Shocked the church by preaching barefoot to birds
Miracle: Received the stigmata; sparked a movement centered on simplicity, humility, and universal love
Padre Pio & the Incorruptibles (1887–1968)
Capuchin Friar, Mystic, Stigmatist
Name at Birth: Francesco Forgione (Pietrelcina, Italy)
Died: Age 81, San Giovanni Rotondo, Italy
Known for deep spirituality, bilocation, and reported healing miracles, while weeping blood from his miraculous open wounds
Investigated by both Church authorities and medical professionals over long-term stigmata and other mystical phenomena
Incorruptibles? Saints whose bodies are said to resist normal decay through miraculous means. In Padre Pio’s case, Part of his pinky finger was reportedly found to be remarkably well-preserved upon examination.
Bilocation: Appearing in two places simultaneously—spiritually or miraculously
Stigmata: Wounds resembling those of Christ (hands, feet, side)
More on saints later...